Soooo, I’ve been gone in what seems like FOR-EV-VVER (read: sandlot). I haven’t posted since september, but with work and grad school, I’ve still haven’t been able to catch up on my gossip blogs, let alone keep you all up-to-date on my foolishness (which is now pretty much nonexistant). Things are so bad, I didn’t even know Mariah Carey finally confirmed she was preggers! I know, ME, of all people.  Yes, the world might be coming to an end. So I figured I’d give you an update with the happs on the craps of my life in a flash:

September: Survived my first full month of grad school and teaching full time.  Started a weight loss program with my doctor to get B12 injections and take phentemine.  It’s expensive, so i better lose some weight!

October: This was a busy month!  I went to my 10 year high school reunion.  Yup, I’m officially old, ya’ll.  It was fun, actually!  Everyone walked in like we were still at Silverado.  Highlights: my boyfriend (who is 4 years older than me, grew up in NM, but went to UNLV) walks in knowing a lot of people (WTF??), the president of our school and the amazing planner of the event drunkingly letting the girls feel her post baby, milk filled boobs.  Dissappointments: there weren’t any formally hot girls turned fat to make fun of, it was a small outcome, and only 2 members of “moo psi moo” showed up (moo psi moo was the clique of all the black people….which wasn’t very much).  Realizations: We’re not in high school anymore.  We’re officially adults and need to grow the fuck up.  We need to get over the childish behaviors and get jobs/take care of our kids/get out of our mamma’s house/get a life! We’re finally over that “teenage dream” we had and compared every guy we ever dated for the past 10 years to up until we found our own “lifelong dream” to replace him with, and moved on because well, they obviously have….seeing how they’re now engaged. I love, Smitty!

I took my honey to Philly for a weekend to see an Eagles game.  We had an AMAZING time filled with drinks, cheesesteaks, scraming bums, more cheesesteaks, and sports. It was the perfect getaway that we needed for the just the 2 of us!

Went to the doctor to get my fibroid on my ovary checked out, only to find that there is a hemmhoragging cyst chillin’ right next to it.  Yup, they decided to become bff’s on my left ovary and make my life…and cramps…. a living hell. Enter depression mode!

November: Crazy month at work because we’re out of school almost every other day.  It makes life a crazy and more stressful (just what I need). Papaers galore is the theme for grad school and I’m swamped with writing them. 

December: The best month EVER! School gets out and I pull straight A’s for the first time since high school…and the only reason why I was able to do that was I was a frequent member of the “herbal remedies” club and it somehow made me a skinny genius. My birthday comes along and my boo is out of town at a football game.  Sucks, but he made up for it with a beautiful boquet of flowers and a spa treatment at the Trump.  Spent the night dining and dinking sangria with my girls at Firefly.  Christmake break comes and boo and I exchange gifts.  I get him a throwback Rggie White Eagles jersey, and Eagles encyclopedia, and the entire series…yes, ENTIRE series of Transformers….20th anniversary collectors edition.  Who’s the best girlfriend? This gal! His gift for me was awesome! He wanted to get me a tote bag that I can take to work or school and put everything in. So he gets my fave: Coach!  I instantly fall madly in love and hold it like a child for 10 minutes.  And then we realize…wait for it…. it’s a diaper bag! He had no idea that’s what he bought so I kept it anyway.  I absolutely love it!  Maybe one day, I’ll be a stylish MILF with a Coach diaper bag that doubles as a tote bag when I’m at school working on my doctorate!!!!! :)    

And finally, I go to the doctor to find out that the bitch of a reoccurring cyst is gone!  THANK GOD!!!! So no more health scares and agaonizing cramps! Also, I’ve lost about 20 pounds.  I’m about 20 pounds away from initial goal weight.  From there, we’ll see if I want to keep going an lose some more or stay there.  The old Sam is coming back, ya’ll.  Watch out, now!!!!!

….well, sorta. so i know i’ve been MIA like i’m trying to be bin laden or something, but i can’t even begin to tell you how crazy busy i’ve been.  who knew that being a first year teacher and a grad student would be so hard? anywho, thought i’d drop a few lines and tell you what’s been up…..

work: OMG ya’ll, i seriously feel like i’m going lindsay lohan crazy!!!! i have sooooo much work to do for this school it’s fucking pathetic. but i gotta admit, i love my little thug-a-boo’s!  what’s crazy is that when i was in high school, only a few kids had a tat or two.  these mo’fo’s are all sorts of tatted up like they just got out of the pen…..well…..a few of them did….literally. i have 3 classes with about 10 special ed kids in each.  these kids are awesome.  i have one with a mild case of mental retardation and you wouldn’t even know it!!! all in all, shit is good, peeps.  AND, your girl finally took advantage of her newly acquired benefits.  hells yeah!!!

school: somebody shoot me in the ovaries now!  started off taking 12 credits.  i guess i never got the memo on how it’s retarded to take that many.  i dropped my intro to special ed because 1) i couldn’t do 12 credits any more, 2) it was a 3 hour class that starts at 7 and it was pathetically boring, and 3)  i couldn’t stand to have gymnast bimbo barbie as a professor

life:  what life?????? i haven’t even caught up on my perez and media takeout in so long that i feel out of the loop like my grandpa!!!!

mini vaca’s? sure! : went to big bear for the first time with my dad, the sibs, and my dad’s wife. it was intersting, to say the least.  it was a fun weekend, but all i want was my honey to be there with me.  i could have used his shoulder a few times. 

sadly guys, my life is pretty boring now.  i never thought in a million years i’d have the social life of a 103 year old.  i REALLY need to get drunk, dance on a table, then try to rape my boyfriend before i puke all of the place.  yup, that’s the plan for this weekend. 

my cousin is listening to the radio and it’s driving me crazy!  what i find funny is how pathetic i am in messing up the words.  years ago, when britney spears came out with “i’m a slave 4 u,”  i swore she said “because i love my lemonade”  when she actually says “leave behind my name and age.”  in mariah carey’s “shake it off,”  there’s a part in the chorus where she says “just like a calgon commercial…”  well, my cousin thought she said “just like a cab on commission.”

now there are 2 new equally horrible songs out on the radio. taio cruz has this song called dynamite.  well in the chorus he says:

 ”I throw my hands up in the air sometimes                                                   Saying Ayo
Gotta let go”

ummm, so instead of “gotta let go,”  i kept singing “galileo!!!”

the other song, by jason derulo (can’t stand him!!!) is called “ridin’ solo.” in the chorus, he says:

“  I’m feeling like a star, you can’t stop my shine,                                           I’m loving cloud nine, my head’s in the sky,
I’m solo, I’m ridin solo, I’m ridin solo, I’m ridin solo, sooloooo.”

why did i think he was saying “monte carlo,” instead of “i’m ridin solo????”

that being said, i  wanna know: what song do you always get the words mixed up to?                                                                                       

if some guy ever walked up to me and asked if he can “toot it and boot it,” i will rip off his balls, stomp on them, and shove him down his throat.  actually, that’s what i’d like to do to whoever the douchebags are that sings it.  just sayin’

soulja boy is next on my list. “pretty boy swag” is just turrrrrrr-ible!

i haven’t posted in a while, but i’ve been reblogging my ass off! not too long ago, i posted about how the school district was screwing me over yet again.  well people, i screwed them back and FINALLY got my much deserved teaching contract.  yup, THIS girl doesn’t need to use obama’s healthcare because i have my own benefits!!! i signed my contract the other day, got my picture taken for the “teacher” badge (not the lame “guest teacher” crap i had before).  teachers have to report back to school for meetings on the 25th, but i have to go back on the 18th for new teacher orientation. so basically i’ll sit in a room with a bunch of folks who probably has never taught a day in their life, bored out of my daydreaming mind.  for 2 days i have to listen to stuff that i already know, learn techniques that WON’T work at a school that has juvenile hall and CPS across the street (which is where yours truly will be at).  only thing i need to know is when does my insurance start?  the dentists are going to have a field day with me as i pay their children’s college tuition.

but besides this madness, i can’t help but scream: I FINALLY GOT MY CONTRACT!!!!  MY LIFE CAN FINALLY TAKE OFF!!!  do you know how bad it sucks big,hairy, stinky donkey balls to live at home, be broke, have no insurance, and depend on others so you won’t sink?  if you don’t, please don’t try. i wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy…..well, yes.  i would wish it on some bitches.  i digress.  i can’t tell you how relieved i am.  to see a paycheck and know what it will be every 2 weeks?  to actually be able to save more than $.02 every check?  the weight has finally lifted off of my shoulders and i feel no stress.  now, come august 30th, when i’ll be teaching and going back for my masters, the stress will come a knockin and won’t leave until i’m probably dead.  but hey, i’ll be getting paid…..and i’ll have some damn insurance! lol. 

so what are my plans now that i’m legit and have a career? (let me just say it feels uh-fucking-mazing to say i have a career!). I’m going to save. plain and simple.  i’m paying off all debts, and i plan to have a house by my 29th birthday (one year, 3 months, 29 days from now).  this will be my bday present to myself.   i can’t say enough how excited i am to start my new life. i will be up and in line at walmart next year on black friday to get all things for cheap.

it feels sooooo good to take a deep breath, exhale, and relax.  my life has officially begun

…..but i was looking for a Mariah Carey song on youtube when I stumbled across a video of the top 10 most underrated songs by her.  Well, seeing how I have to be THE biggest MC fan, I was left feeling disappointed.  The dude had a couple on there that were perfect, a few others that were good ones (but not to be in the underrated crew), and some that put me to sleep.  So, I felt the need to post my devoted “lambhood” (she calls her fans lambs, fyi.  Stupid, I know.  But if all I had to do was say baaa-aaa-aaa to be her bff, I’d quit shaving, dye all of my hair white, glue cotton balls all over me, and baa-aaaa my ass off better than the real things I eat for dinner!) Anyways, without further ado, I present to you with my version of her most underrated songs, broken down by albums, with reasons why I <3 them.  Don’t judge me.

Mariah Carey

• “I Don’t Wanna Cry”- So you have to break up with your guy but don’t know what to say or how to say it.  Just pop this tape (yes, as in cassette) in and he’ll get the point.

Emotions

• “Can’t Let Go”- Amazing break up song.  It’s the life story for all girls.

Music Box

• “I’ve Been Thinking About You”- “Hey guy friend of 13 years! All of a sudden, you’re kinda hot.  Wanna hump?”

Daydream

• “Underneath the Stars”- Makes me wanna go camping, or to summer camp!
• “Melt Away”- *SIGH* I just melted…no really I did.  It’s 115 out! :)
• “Always Be My Baby” remix ft. Xcape & Da Brat- First sign of MC acknowledging her black side

Butterfly

• “Breakdown”- Getting blacker!  Made the charts, but mofo’s was sleepin’ on it.
• “Babydoll”- You got the good good.  Yup, so good that I can’t even sleep because I need it….NOW
• “The Beautiful Ones” ft. Dru Hill- It’s a Prince cover…..’nuff said

Rainbow

• “Bliss”-I’m gonna set the mood with this innocently melody about my goodies being for your peen only!
• “Crybaby” ft. Snoop- honestly, one of my all time faves.  THIS is her #1 most underrated song….period
• “Thank God I Found You/Make It Last Forever” ft. Joe & Nas- The song is the ish.  Sooo much better than Keith Sweats’ whiny ass version. Plus, MC went real hood in the video and got some individuals (braids, like Janet in Poetic Justice, or Brandy. Got it? Good).

Charmbracelet

• “The One”- So I like you and you seem great and all, but you have a penis, so you’re gonna burn me….emotionally and quite possibly physically, too.

Emancipation of MiMi

• “Joyride”- This WILL be played at my wedding. 
• “One and Only” ft. Twista- OK, the 2nd verse?!?! It’s the fuckin truth, ya’ll!!!  Look it up….NOW!!!!
• “So Lonely (One and Only pt2)” ft. Twista- Well, I found the “one and only” who fits the descrip of the 2nd verse in pt1!

E=MC2

• “Love Story”- If only 2nd meetings or 2nd chances always had a happy ending like this……
• “Last Kiss”- I have a may-juh love/hate relashe with this song. THIS is the song that makes you think of that ex you don’t want to think about.

Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel

• “H.A.T.E.U.”-Seriously, I want to hate you, now.  But you wanna send the sweet, random text that asks how I’m doing, or just so “happen” to run into me, lookin all kinds of tasty, and then have nerve to flirt with me like you wanna give it another go.  Leave me alone so I can hate you already, dammit!!!!
• “Impossible”-OMG!  Someone made me fall in love with them! WTF???

If any of you like this crazy broad, feel free to add, agree, disagree, call me a dork, whatevs.